Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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