you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
