She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
