Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize