I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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