Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We are two peas in an std pod
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
