you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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