I bet he comes in French.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
