I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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