I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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