Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
