Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
