Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
