I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
