Need sex. Gaining weight.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
