My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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