Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize