So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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