Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
