so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
