The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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