I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
