he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
