so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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