"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
