I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
