I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
