my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize