all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
