I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
