I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
