And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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