I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
