You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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