she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
