I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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