Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
