the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Randomize
