I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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