My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
