Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
