I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
