is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
How does one acquire holy water?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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