I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
