the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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