I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
