miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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