lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
