listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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