The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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