Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize