I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
