My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
