I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
high people should be assigned attendants
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
