She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize