how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
