when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
