Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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