YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I need to calm my uterus...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
