JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
