this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You brought string cheese to the strip club
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
