A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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