Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
