it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
