im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
