I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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