just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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