i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
