There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
