I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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