OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
as a side note pls kill me
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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