That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
