her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
