I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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