you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
