Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just gargled with NyQuil
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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