The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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