I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
