I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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