So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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