one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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