3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Pappa wants mamma naked
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
