if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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