She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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