OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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