I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
