It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
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