New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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