When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
