Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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