just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize