wrigley field is MILF paradise
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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