Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
