Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
there is puke in my bra ... again
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