your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
