Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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