proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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