Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
