capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I cut my penus on the lid.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
