maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize