so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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