it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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