I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
