I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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