I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
