Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
