this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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