I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
