we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
foreskin is a definite game changer
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
