so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
