do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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