I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
