I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
