i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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